I chose to include a chapter on anger in my book Questioning Evangelism. When my acquisitions editor saw “What if I want my neighbor to go to hell?” as a chapter title in the book proposal, he gave me a call.
“That caught my eye,” he told me and we both acknowledged the value of “catching someone’s eye” in a table of contents. I told him I wanted to address the problem of anger in a book on evangelism because I struggle with that – and I’m pretty sure I’m not alone. He told me to “go for it.”
I tried to address the problem from two sides. Some of us get angry when we hear the kinds of things non-Christians say about God, our faith, Jesus, and the gospel. We forget Paul’s reminder that the gospel is foolishness to those who are lost (1 Cor. 1:18). Worse, we forget Jesus’ warning that people will hate us and “falsely say all kinds of evil against” us (Matt. 5:11).
But we also need to know how to handle non-Christians’ anger toward us. One strategy is to acknowledge that the emotional temperature in the room has gotten hotter and we might want to pause to turn down the thermostat. Otherwise, we might just join them in their anger turning the whole scenario into a scorching sauna.
I’m writing this blog just a few days before Election Day in the U.S. At the moment, it seems everyone is screaming at each other. Our current moment is ablaze with anger, self-righteous accusations, name-calling, sarcasm, and fearmongering. And religion (specifically Christian religion) has gotten tangled into the political debates in confusing and disturbing ways.
It is into this charged atmosphere that we seek to tell our friends the good news of the gospel and urge them to respond with humble repentance and surrendering faith. In some settings, things might get hot before they get helpful. Here are some ways I’ve tried to turn down the emotional/spiritual thermostat before presenting the gospel:
- “Wow. You sound upset about this.”
- “I think I’ve struck a nerve. Are you angry about this?”
- “It seems like it’s gotten hotter in here. Or is it just me?”
- “It sounds like we’re both pretty invested in this topic. I wonder if we need to step back and calm down.”
I hope you get the idea. This is another variety of “having a conversation about the conversation.” Like my previous blogs about leveling the playing field and acknowledging the elephant in the room, this kind of pre-evangelism, I’m convinced, paves the way for far better conversation and understanding than just forging ahead with louder and hotter arguments.
On rare occasions, you might have to postpone the conversation until everyone has cooled off. While we might hate to pass up a witnessing opportunity or miss a seemingly divinely ordained appointment, it might be wise to offer:
“I think we should try to have this conversation another time. I fear that we’ll both say things we might regret. What do you say we revisit this discussion when we’re in a better frame of mind?” Notice: I’m not making the other person the sole offender – even if they are! Such interpersonal grace might predispose them to receiving grander, more long lasting, soul-saving grace.
